A marriage service, wherever it is held, is a public declaration of love and commitment to your partner.

If you choose to get married in church, there is an added dimension - the assurance that God cares about your relationship and that his resources and strength are available to help you. Including God in your marriage doesn’t mean that you will avoid all the usual ups and downs, but you will know that you can look to God for help and guidance and that his love will sustain you. You will also have the support and encouragement of the Christian Church family.

Preparing for the service: frequently asked questions

Q| Where can I get married?
A| Thanks to a new law, you've now got more choice about which church to marry in.

If you want to marry in Holy Trinity or St. Paul’s, visit www.achurchnearyou.com to find out if you live within the boundaries of our Parishes. (Under a special permission from the Bishop of Durham if you live in either parish you can choose which of the two churches you would like to get married in)

However, under the new law you are now allowed under certain circumstances to marry in a different church either because it has special significance for you through family or some other special connections. An engaged couple can now do just that if either of you can show just one of the following seven connections with the parish.

That one of you:

• was baptised in the parish concerned or

• was prepared for confirmation in the parish or

• has at any time lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 month

• or has at any time regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

• has lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or

• has regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents or grandparents:

• was married in the parish

 In all cases involving church services - i.e. going to normal church services, baptism, confirmation or marriage - this applies only to Church of England services. Even if you cannot demonstrate any of the above connections, we want to help you explore whether it may still be possible for you to marry either of our churches.

Come along to our “Office Hour” at Holy Trinity Church, Pelton any Wednesday Evening between 6.00pm and 7.00pm and someone will be available to discuss the options open to you, or if you would prefer you can contact one of Clergy who will be happy to talk with you.

Q| How do I book the church?
A| As soon as you have decided you would like to get married in church, get in touch with us to see whether the church is free on your preferred date. (A deposit of £50.00 is required to make a booking)

Q| What are the legal requirements?
A| The normal preliminary to getting married in the Church of England is by banns. You must have your banns read out in church for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding. This is often done over three consecutive Sundays but does not have to be. Banns are an announcement of your intention to marry and a chance for anyone to put forward a reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place. Banns need to be read in the parish where each of you lives as well as at the church in which you are to be married if that is another parish. There are circumstances where some form of licence, such as a common licence or special licence, is more appropriate. Depending on your particular circumstances we will let you know what you need to do.

If you are under the age of eighteen, you must have your parents’ consent to marry.

There are special guidelines on church marriage if you have been divorced: see the separate question on this issue.

Q| How much will it cost?
A| The legal fees for a marriage cover the publication of the banns, certificate of banns (if necessary), the marriage service and a certificate of marriage. These fees are fixed centrally and the latest figures are available on the "Fees page"

Q| Can I choose what kind of service I want?
A| You can choose to have a modern language service or one in more traditional language including the Book of Common Prayer service. Talk over the options with one of the clergy. There are usually one or more readings from the Bible in the service - we can help you select the most appropriate. There will also be some prayers, which you may help to choose, or you may write your own. You may also decide to have someone other than the minister leading the prayers.

The minister will give a brief talk or sermon.

If you have friends or family members you would like to involve in the service, for example by doing a reading or playing a musical instrument, discuss this with us at an early stage of your planning.

Q| Which hymns and songs can I have?
A| We can help you think about hymns for the service or the church organist can offer advice on suitable hymns and songs, as well as music for coming in, going out and during the signing of the register. If you want to set out the words and/or music on a printed service sheet, you will need to comply with the copyright laws.

Q| Should we have one or two rings?
A| A wedding ring is a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, and of the commitment you are making to each other. It is entirely up to you whether you have one ring or two.

Q| Can we have a video recording of the service?
A| Yes although there is a fee of £50.00 to obtain a "Copyright Licence".

Q| What if one of us is divorced?
A| The Church of England teaches that marriage is for life. It also recognizes that, sadly, some marriages do fail and, if this should happen, it seeks to be available for all involved. The Church accepts that, in some circumstances, a divorced person may marry again in church during the lifetime of a former spouse.

If one or both of you have bee married previously one of the clergy will want to talk to you frankly about the past, your hopes for the future and your understanding of marriage.  As a first step you will need to fill in a form which is available from the Vicar or can be downloaded from the following link and the form includes some words of explanation . (Marriage in church after divorce) If it is not possible for your proposed marriage to take place in church, we will let you know what other alternatives are open to you, such as a Service of Prayer and Dedication after a civil ceremony.

What do Christians believe about marriage?

Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God. In the marriage ceremony, a couple make a public declaration of lifelong commitment to love each other, come what may.

The Bible compares married love with the love Jesus has for his followers. He expressed his love by being prepared to sacrifice himself, even to die for the people he loved. This is amazing, unconditional love. Jesus never said 'I love you, but …'. In our marriages we can try to follow his model by loving our partners in a self-sacrificial way, putting their needs before our own.

The marriage ceremony gives you a new legal status as husband and wife and a new stability within which your relationship can flourish and grow. Christians believe that marriage offers the right place for the fulfilment of our sexuality and that it provides a stable and secure environment for bringing up children.

The Marriage service

Beginning the service

Traditionally, the bride and groom enter the church separately - the groom first with the best man, and the bride at the time set for the start of the service, on the arm of her father or another relative or friend (it does not need to be a man). However, the bride may enter alone if she wishes, or the couple may enter together.

The minister will welcome the congregation. Your family and friends have an important role to play as witnesses and supporters of your marriage.

The minister will read an introduction explaining what Christians believe about marriage. He or she will also ask, as the law requires, if anyone knows any reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place.

Declarations

You will be asked to promise before God, your friends and your families, that you will love, comfort, honour and protect your partner and be faithful to them as long as you both shall live.

The minister will also ask the congregation to declare that they will support and uphold your marriage.

Vows

Turning to each other, the bride and groom take each other’s right hand and make vows:

'to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part'
 

Rings

The couple then exchange a ring or rings as a 'sign of their marriage' and a reminder of the vows:

'With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.'
 

Proclamation

The minister will then declare that you are now husband and wife. The minister does not 'marry you'; you marry each other. The minister just directs you in this and then tells everyone that you have done it properly.

Prayers

In the prayers God’s blessing and help is asked for you. There may be a prayer for the gift of children, but every couple will have their own feelings about this, so it's best to discuss the details with your minister. You may wish to help choose the prayers or to write your own.

Readings and talk or sermon

It is usual to have one or more readings (one of which should be from the Bible) and the minister will generally give a talk or sermon.

Signing of the register

After you have exchanged your vows, the bride, groom and two witnesses must sign the register. This is a legal requirement and the minister will give you a copy of the marriage certificate.

A wedding is one day - a marriage is a lifetime

You have probably already spent many hours planning your wedding. There are so many things to think about - the dress, the cake, whom to invite, the honeymoon. All of these are important, but the wedding is just one day, while marriage should last for the rest of your lives.

Alongside the wedding preparations it is also important to spend time as a couple talking through your expectations of marriage. However much you think you have in common, you are still two separate individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, hopes and fears. The minister who is taking your service will probably want to spend some time with you talking through these issues.

Churches sometimes offer marriage preparation, perhaps as part of a group with other couples. This gives you an opportunity to think through possible areas of difficulty and how you will handle them as a couple.

Topics might include:

• Communication
• Money
• Coping with conflict
• Sex
• In-laws and family issues
• Children

We hope that you have a wonderful wedding day and that it will mark the beginning of a long and very happy marriage.

© The Archbishops' Council of the Church of England, 2004